Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
