So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
