There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
