not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
