So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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