The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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