just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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