i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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