I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
