my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
