i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i came on her dog
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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