Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
