am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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