stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
you inspire me to be a worse person
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize