right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
