Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
