i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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