Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
