you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Be still, my beating vagina.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
