there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
