I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
