My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
