Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
