The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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