so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
