theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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