respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
i now understand why vodka
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
