Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
