can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Is this like a preordered booty call?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I supernannyed him into submission
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
