We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
