I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Randomize