just come out here and I will go home with you...
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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