and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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