Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
