I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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