he was CRYING into my vagina
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
