Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
There's always time for handjobs
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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