well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
