I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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