I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i just made my gag reflex go away.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
