fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
