I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
