my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
