Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
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