Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
