I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize