Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
