Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
