I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
