Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
