I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize