but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
