If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
