I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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