As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Randomize
