I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
