hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
