I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
