Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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