They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
