Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
