Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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