I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
