The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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