nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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