Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
