she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
