At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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