You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
