I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
