I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
