Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
