Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i think i have two assholes
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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