you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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