he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
