I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
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