i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Just invented taco cereal.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
i believe in u and ur pee
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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